East Of Eden

"A curious mix of the relevant and reverential"


East of Eden

Lent- Day 19: What happens to hope deferred?

 919143 10202411473194518 616876076 o

What a day. In between a trip to the bank and my weekly IVIG session, I hung out with a couple of friends discussing life, love and having babies. One friend is pregnant; the other would like to be. This is the first kid for friend one, while friend two has no kids. In the midst of all this blabbing, Zoe sat oblivious, typing away on a mini-laptop that K got for her with a ton of educational games.

 

My pregnant friend and I had got together first and she spoke to me for over an hour about getting her first sonogram, and seeing her little one hide from the ultrasound wand. She had broke into tears at seeing her shy baby, while her husband beamed with pride. I shared with her about my experiences with seeing Z via ultrasound. Just discussing all these new life made me cry (I am a crier, but true story, I did not cry when I first held Zoe. As I explained to my friend, I was so overwhelmed, I just stared at her in amazement).  

 

By the time friend number two arrived, I was feeling a little giddy. It was excitement, expectant happiness. I was full of hope. Friend one quickly cued two in on her big news. My heart hurt a bit for friend two. 

 

Within minutes she was discussing her failed relationship, and it was her turn to cry. I sat by listening as one consoled and encouraged her. 

 

Later, long after my time with both friends were over, and even my IVIG session had wrapped, I sat thinking over the conversations. I got up and started vacumming, wanting to somehow physically expel the nagging feelings I had. Finished with that, and enjoying some Z-free time, I did a little reading. When my mind started to wander with that, I started to watch an episode of "Dollhouse" on Netflix. But after ten minutes, I shut that off and starting reading some Scripture. Finally, I felt myself relax as I read, 

 

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." - Proverbs 13:12

 

 

Two is on the first part of that verse, feeling heart sick by slow-to-be-fulfilled hope. 

 

Without hope in the future, it becomes increasingly hard to live in the present. I've had times in my life when I felt that way. I began to lose hope that I'd find a husband, and that I'd ever know what the heck was making me sick. In the case of the former, I began reminiscing about failed relationships even though they were fails with good reason. With the later, I became depressed and bitter, angrily yell-praying (yeah, it's a thing, just read some Psalms!) to God that my life was miserable. I'd think about how much better things were before I got sick. I was looking back so hard if this was the Old Testament, I would've been a pillar salt before Lot's wife.

 

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, right? But the truth in the Word is eternal. So dedicated to friend two, here is a few more verses:

 

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." -Psalm 43:5

 

 

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” - Lamentations 3:24

 

"Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off." -Proverbs 23:18 "But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." -Romans 8:25

 

Reflection for the day: God is a restorer... of hope.

 

Recent Blog Posts


Popular Blog Posts

Alisha DeFreitas
25 August 2017
John Lennon, Yoko Ono and Dick Gregory. (Image Source: Yoko Ono's Twitter account)   Dick Gregory, comedian, entertainer, and civil rights activist, died last Saturday, August 19th, at the age o...
Alisha DeFreitas
17 September 2016
September 2016, and I have (some) hair.     ... to get better, but haven't. Yet.  It's been four months since I had the Hematopoietic stem cell transplantation (HSCT) at Northwestern ...
Alisha DeFreitas
09 November 2013
  Happy Saturday, Folks! Pretty good week for me. Cooked almost every day (except yesterday when I had plasmapheresis which usually leaves me feeling wiped; it didn't though-woohoo!- but we stil...

Reviews

"... the awesomely gifted Alisha DeFreitas... tells her story of  her brush with the Culture of Death and her refusal to play the world’s game. I love that she gives two well-aimed upraised middle fingers: one to the abortion culture of the Left, and one to the Randian Makers vs. Takers class warriors of the Right. She’s one of my heros."

Mark Shea, author and blogger


"While reading your blog I often sense a certain amount of conviction on your behalf, which makes me wonder why isn’t everyone reading the blogs of a woman who actually “gets it.”

Don, at Minus The Bars


"A curious mix of the sacred and profane...too nice for a run of the mill blog? "

Joe, my brother, author of The Blog of Blogs


"Are you really bored or something?"

Joscelyne, my sister


"Pretty f****ing intense."

Reader Brooke Farmer, on this entry.


"A great outlet for such a prolific mind and an entertaining mix of spirituality and current events."

Keiron, my husband, also known on here as K, or my Knight & Sunshine

East of Eden on Facebook

Drop Me A Message

Fields with (*) are required.
Please prove you are human!